Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The air was thick with penises
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize