You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize