I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
