WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
