I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my poor anus
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
There's even glitter on my cock...
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