What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
