Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
