can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
