There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
