please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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