i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
