Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
