My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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