He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need to sanitize my soul.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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