She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize