This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize