you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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