So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
