It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
