Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
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If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
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In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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