I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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