Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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