wakey wakey hands off snakey
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
3pm strippers are depressing
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
