My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
