So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
