the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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