1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Can Purell be used as lube?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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