The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
