1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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