Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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