check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
