It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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