Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
