i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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