Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He? As in you personified your dick?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
