They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What a dumb baby whore.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
