Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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