Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
