So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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