24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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