ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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