There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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