everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
