i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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