If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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