grandma shit on top of the toilet
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
