My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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