Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
operation have a gay friend backfired
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
