what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
