you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
