Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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