his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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