Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
