"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
