I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
