It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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