quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
