he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
