were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Quick, to the slutcave!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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