we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
