whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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