**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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