my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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