He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
