I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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