Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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