Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
pray to the hookup gods
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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