That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
