I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
