he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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