At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
