Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
