I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
