Welp...herpes.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
