'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
