she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
