Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
be right there i have to get my cape
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
