Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Randomize