Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
