I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
